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An Excerpt ~ ‘Beard Trimming Scissors are Nitroglycerin’

December 3, 2013 on 1:40 am | In Musings | 11 Comments

You know what else is weird?

The term ‘Duvet Cover.’

I only learned about ‘Duvet’s’ when I got myself into a long term mutually beneficial semi-monagamous relationship that was both emotionally and sexually satisfying to me and the woman that was my life partner.

A couple of life partners ago.

None of my genius buddies have a clue as to what a ‘duvet’ is.

I Love women.

If I didn’t I would never spend so much time trying to understand them and to so selflessly help them to understand that the quest for ‘hot freaky’ can bring them and their man rewards and pleasures that they’ve never considered.

Sharing ‘hot freaky’ can bring a man and a woman closer together than they’d ever thought.

Women are the most beautiful things on earth.

They’re soft and they smell good too.

Personally I’m always amazed at how good that their hair smells.

They also have unique capabilities and they can create a spectacularly color coordinated home that actually feels like it’s full of warmth and love and lots of throw pillows and organize it and run it as a dictatorship with a military like precision.

You can’t even organize the garage.

In short…

women are everything that you are not.

And you could never be no matter how hard you tried.

That’s one of the reasons that you love them and you’re willing to risk the explosive and painful soul crushing ramifications of relating to them in an intimate way.

Because they are ultimately your partner in the quest for ‘hot freaky’ that has consumed most of your thoughts for your entire life, both sleeping and awake.

Why they put up with your shit is another story entirely.

She might never be your ‘buddy’ but you’ve still got a few of those left that she doesn’t know about.

You can’t do it without them man.

Women.

Not your buddies… they’ll never get you anywhere near the promised land.

At best they’re someone that you go to to drink beers with after your progress towards your lifelong goal of entering the gates of ‘Shangri-freaky-la’ has been derailed by some stupid shit thing you’ve said to your woman at the worst possible time.

Because you’ve got a big habit of doing that.

Women are absolutely essential in the quest that will be the journey to the promised land.

Unless you like hairy guy ass.

And that’s entirely your call.

You know I love you and I’d support you even if that was your choice.

Or your genetics.

But after knowing you for as long as I have you’re pretty much hetero.

I mean…

you think maybe being gay would be easier than actualy having to think about all of this shit… particularly after one of your legendary and spectacular blowups resulting from your gahdawful ability to say the most stupid shit you possibly can to a woman at the most critical time…

But you just can’t decide all of the sudden that you’re gay.

Or at least that’s what conventional wisdom dictates.

And just because you’ve come to love and admire duvet covers doesn’t mean you’re gay.

Ask your therapist next time.

The sexy one that you sit there and tell all about your obsession with ‘hot freaky’ and you secretly wonder if one day she’ll just crack, give in and take you up on your repeated subtle offers.

You would have never discovered duvet covers if a woman didn’t bring them into your life.

Until she showed you, you had no idea that you could actually buy a cover to shove your old dirty ink stained comforter in to and that it would look like it’s brand new.

I just don’t understand whay people call them ‘duvet covers.’

I mean… a ‘duvet’ is a cover for your ugly ass comforter right?

So what’s a ‘duvet cover?’

Either it’s a redundant term…

or it’s a cover for a cover.

Maybe I’m missing something here.

That’s some brilliance right there… duvets… a product that had to be invented by a man… simply because it hides your dirty nasty old thing and makes it look new… but better than the most skillful application of duct tape ever could… at the same time given a french name and embraced by women as their own because they go for things with french names… and forgotten about by men because it was given that same french name.

‘My girl’s coming over tonight and my comforter looks like crap… I need a duvet cover quick.’

If you only had a clue as to where you could buy one.

I gotta admit that at first I thought when Snuggle Bums said that she needed to go and pick up a ‘duvet’ that it was some kind of mysterious feminine hygene product that I had no business knowing anything about.

I started to get a little nervous and wonder why in the world she would possibly be telling me this.

I remember fearing that her next move was going to be asking me to go to the store and pick one up for her.

It sounded suspiciously ‘french.’

So I was relieved when I found out what it really was.

Women think of some pretty cool stuff sometimes.

Because they’re not thinking of ‘hot freaky’ all of the time.

One of these days I’m gonna come up with a list of the top ten inventions by women that would make single guy’s lives more worth living.

But since I’m a guy I’m gonna put it off until a woman who loves me asks me over and over again to do it.

And when she gives me an ultimatum I will make it a goal.

Then I’m gonna write that list on duct tape that I’ve fashioned into a piece of paper because I can’t find the paper… but I knew that the duct tape was right in the garage where I left it last time I decided to try and fix something a couple of years ago.

Bedskirts would be on that list if I ever wrote it.

Right on top.

Has any single guy ever gone out and purchased a bedskirt?

What an amazing invention those are!

It’s like a device that conceals all of the shit that you either throw under your bed or that just ends up there.

Like all of those socks you’ve been missing forever.

The kind of shit you usually only find after your lease expires.

Like that stuff under your dresser when you move it.

Women just do that kind of thing when they’re bored.

Looking under furniture.

It must be the female equivalent of fishing.

‘I think I’ll pull some furniture out of its place and see what’s underneath it today’ they must think ‘I don’t have anything else to do… and the paint store is closed on Sundays.’

That’s how women get their super powers of knowing where everything is.

That and the fact that they actually put it away.

But it’s not just because men are slobs… even though we obviously are… it’s easy for women to put stuff away because they’re the ones who know where to put it.

Because they unilaterally determine where stuff should go in the female dominated houshold.

Which is any household where a woman lives.

Even if a guy’s put something away you know he’s not outta the water.

He’s gotta put it in ‘the right place’ too.

You know she’s just trying to provoke you when she says ‘Honey… did you put the adjustable wrench in the china cabinet?’

You remember the first time you took your chick to your crib?

You thought she was checkin’ out your CD collection and admiring your fantastic taste in little known independently produced music?

While you were workin’ out the details of your carefully choreographed plan to show her your duvet cover…

She was really looking at all of your prized personal possessions and hoping that one day the two of you would have a fairy tale wedding and a garage big enough for all of that shit to fit into.

Guys just hide shit.

Especially from women.

It’s in our genetic programming.

It’s so that we can cope with women.

The problem is that we hide it and we forget where we hid it and then we need to ask our girl… who then tells us that we’d know where it was if we actually put it away in the right place.

The place she determined that it should go.

Without telling us.

Or more likely with us not remembering that she told us.

Of course… if she said to us ‘honey… I want to talk to you about your need for ‘hot freaky’ and those things that you’ve been asking me to try doing… I know that ‘hot freaky’ is something that you think about a lot and I want to be supportive towards you that way… and I would… I mean more… if you put your beard scissors away in the basket that I’ve purchased for all of your male grooming products that I’ve found the perfect place for in the bathroom… and since I can’t relate to chopping that much hair off of my face every day I wish you’d also be sure to clean every last whisker off of the vanity after you’re done shaving… she might see you start to fade when you ask yourself what a ‘vanity’ is because you shave at the sink… but she could snap you right back if she turns to ‘hot freaky’ and says… ‘you know if you did that for me baby I might be more inclined to actually think about doing that twisted shit you’re always trying to get me to do under the duvet cover.’

When I look back on the conversation I remember it something like this…

‘Hot freaky’… put beard trimming scissors away… ‘hot freaky’… cleaning up whiskers off sink will bring me closer to the promised land of ‘hot freaky’… women want to want ‘hot freaky’ as much as men… just clean up after yourself and you are by default one step closer to ‘hot freaky.’

Beard trimming scissors are a funny thing.

They are a ‘relationship flashpoint.’

Beard trimming scissors are ‘nitroglycerin.’

That’s because she will never use them.

She plucks her faint almost invisible whiskers off of her face with tweezers.

And she always puts them back in the first aid kit so you never even know they were gone.

Because she doesn’t want you to know that she has whiskers to pluck anyway.

And in the female mind the next logical thing to do after seeing the tweezers left out would be to ask ‘what were you doing with the tweezers.’

She doesn’t want you to ask her that.

That’s why she puts them away.

SHE knows how to hide shit from you buddy.

Your male brain wants to leave the beard scissors right next to the faucet on the thing that she calls a ‘vanity.’

Because that’s where you’ll use them next.

And you hate looking for shit.

Almost as much as asking her where it is.

NEVER ask your woman where your beard trimming scissors are.

Ask her where she got that amazing top… or where she picked up those jeans that looked like their creation was inspired by her ass and her ass alone… or those incredible shoes.

Just never ask her where your beard trimming scissors are.

You can get away scott free asking where a lot of other stuff is if you do it right and approach it with a lot of thought and incredible foresight…

especially if you use romance or your consideration of her in your quest to find your lost treasure…

‘Honey Baby Sugar Sparkles… I was thinking that one day I would like to take you on a romantic camping trip and you know… I realized that I have no idea where I put the camping stove.’

But never ask her where your beard trimming scissors are because you were supposed to put them away you slob.

It’s like telling her ‘Honey… you’re always cleaning up after me… I just don’t know how I could live without you.’

You’d be about to get whatchoo deserve smart guy.

If you have some deep need to set the lobe off and be the beneficiary of a brutal smackdown… then you can ask where your beard trimming scissors are.

They’re the one thing that you’re always leaving out that she knows she will never ever be guilty of using.

If you’ve got kids… particularly daughters… this is where they can really mess things up for you.

I love my daughters more than anything in the world.

And I’ll be the first to admit that they’ve taught me so much about women.

When they’re giving their pink glittery plastic pony its daily bubble bath in the sink they’ll sure as day spot those scissors.

And then they’ll decide that pony needs a haircut.

Because pony just realized that pony’s boyfriend doesn’t take anything in life seriously he never puts shit away and pony’s decided to dump that asshole because life would be so much better without him and pony needs a new haircut to symbolize this turning point in pony’s life.

Knowing that cutting the hair of anything results in a long lecture by mom…

Princess’ll take your beautiful stainless steel beard trimming scissors to a more secret location to give pony a radical new hairstyle.

Meanwhile, you’re safely at work without a clue as to the fact that the fuse has been lit.

You have gotta deal with this situation rather delicately.

It’s pretty much ‘two against one now.’

And that four times as much feminine power as you’ve ever proven you can handle.

The only thing you’ve ever proven is that indeed a man can live for a week eating nothing but american cheese slices.

You need to get Princess Pony Hairstyles back on your side.

If your beard trimming scissors aren’t where you left them or in the basket in the bathroom closet your woman purchased to organize your male grooming products…

you know the kid’s got them somewhere else.

And when you ask the kid she’s gonna visualize cutting ‘My Little Ponies’ hair and know that if she tells you where your beard trimming scissors are is like admitting that she’s been cutting said pony’s hair.

Even though she might only be five or six she’s already so much smarter than that.

Remember…

You’re still dealing with a woman… just a smaller version… who’s just like a regular woman except she’ll probably never fantacize about dousing you with gasoline while you sleep and burning you alive.

Because she’s your ‘Little Glitter Princess.’

And princess’ don’t do that.

Chicks who watch the Lifetime Network do.

But you gotta get those beard trimming scissors back.

You can’t just say ‘Princess… listen… my beard trimming scissors aren’t on the sink… and they’re not in the basket that mommy purchased so lovingly for me to oraganize all of my male grooming products in… and that generally means that you have them… because you’ve been cutting ponys hair with them… and if you don’t fork them over… I’ll be forced to ask your mom where they are… and then she’ll blow her freakin’ lobe and I ain’t not only not gonna get a little of the ‘hot freaky’… the pursuit of which led to the birth of my Beautiful Little Princess… but there’s a chance that not finding those beard trimming scissors might result in my life becoming a living hell for two weeks or so and we don’t want daddy to live a life of misery and hell for two weeks now do we Sweet Glitter Pony Princess?’

Besides she already knows that the ‘sink’ is that thing in the kitchen or the laundry room.

And that’s not where she stole your beard trimming scissors from anyway.

She’s already studying you dad.

Probing you with her superior feminine mind…

identifying the weakness’ and the vulnerabilities of men.

She looks to you to leave your beard trimming scissors on the vanity so she can remember her deep almost instinctive need to cut stuff with them.

Like pony’s hair.

Or construction paper.

To make you beautiful and touching greeting cards with.

You’re not thinkin’ here man.

Because you’re pretty good at doing that.

Always ask yourself… everytime you’re looking at a woman… even a mini version… ask yourself what it is that they ‘want.’

It’s the only thing that matters really.

To them.

And therefore to you… the ‘modern sensitive man’ who is actually trying to understand ‘them’ in order to coexist in peace and love and the quest for ‘freaky hot.’

Because ultimately they are going to get what they want so you might as well just identify it as soon as possible and capitulate you dufus.

And Princess wants another pony… and some glitter… and some smelly markers.

That have glittery ink.

So she can draw ponies prancing around fairy tale castles overlooked by dominant all knowing unicorns who symbolize the superiority of womanhood.

Work with her man.

Work with her.

It is the only way.

She can teach you a lot about women.

Your little Princess wants to give daddy what he wants.

But daddy’s gotta remember the genetics at work.

Because even at this point Princess’ little genetic deck is all stacked up against daddy.

You gotta do the right thing Daddy.

‘I’ll tell you what sweet little Princess Glitter Rainbow… I’m going to go up to my room and lay in bed and stare wide eyed at the ceiling and think of the ramifications of asking mommy where my beard trimming scissors are… and when I do that I just want you to know that if you find my beard trimming scissors and return them to me without letting mommy know that they were ever out of my possession… I will not only not even ask you where they were when you found them… I will reward you for helping daddy out by buying you that purple plastic pony you’ve been really wanting… with the long hair… the one that comes with the brush.’

This is where your panicked ass just sold out the entire male race.

Yes… you’ll get your beard trimming scissors back… probably within five minutes… but now you’ve just reinforced in that girl that knowing where shit is gives her power and dominion over the entire male species.

Because it gets her exactly what she wants.

That purple plastic pony with a hairbrush.

The one mom wouldn’t get her.

Because you’ve already bought her thirty of them and she keeps cutting all of their hair off.

Not to mention your beard scissors will be kidnapped and held for ransom time and time again dude.

You should at least ‘try’ to find shit yourself sometimes and not just ‘wonder’ where it might be.

That’s why when I’m missing something I always start my search in the garage.

I really enjoy tooling around in the garage looking for stuff.

Every box and plastic bin I open is like a time capsule of my life.

Sometimes it brings me to tears… the nostalgia I find in there.

The emotions I get when I realize… there he is… my ‘Talking Billy Bass!’

I always loved that talking bass.

What a revolutionary invention.

He looked so real and happy when he sang that song.

‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerrin.

I’m so amazed that the battery is even still good after all these years.

And from the contents of the box… the newspaper packing and stuff… I can tell that he’s been buiried alive in there for almost seven years!

All my shit’s seemed to migrate to the garage slowly over time.

I used to think a garage was a place for putting a car away.

But that’s only for single guys.

Little did we know that ‘garage’ is french for ‘a place to dump all of a guys shit.’

‘Un lieu de jeter tout de merde d’un homme est dans le garage.’

You see that dipshit?

I got that right from google translate.

I typed in ‘a place to put all of a man’s shit is the garage.’

Then I hit ‘translate’ and ‘to french.’

The word garage is in there.

Just like we say it.

Only the french say it differently.

With contempt.

Like they say everything.

While stomping out a cigarette on the floor.

In a cafe.

Before they demand more strong black coffee.

And another ‘kwaaaaaaasant.’

In a black and white film.

That you only took your woman to see so you could impress her.

So she’d tell her friends all about it so you could secure their all important vote in the matter.

‘He’s amazing and sensitive and he loves french cinema!’

Now she knows damn well that the only thing ‘french’ you like are french fries.

Back to ‘le garage’ you idiot… if I can’t find it in the garage, then and only then will I consider even going and asking her if she knows where ‘it’ is… and we both know full well that she knows exactly where it is… and therefor risk blowing the lobe when she gets all over my ass about it.

Because I’ve come to see this as the ‘third oldest woman trap’ that there is.

Asking your woman where something is.

She knows where that camping stove is.

She knew it from the day you left it on the counter in the kitchen hoping that she’d do the loving and supportive thing with some miracle product she purchased from gahd knows where and clean it for you.

She did.

She cleaned it for your sorry ‘helpless in all things domestic’ ass and she put it away in the garage where she has determined that it belongs.

And then she mentally photographed it sitting there on the counter in her otherwise dream kitchen.

Just to store it in the lobe for use against you one day.

When you say the stupid thing that you’re destined to say that will set her off.

The reason you couldn’t find it in the garage is because she put it in the bag that it’s supposed to be stored in.

Three years later when you ask her if she knows where it is the day before you are supposed to go on a family camping trip and incidentally the day after you went out until three in the morning with your buddies when she assumed that your understanding and supportive self would be available to help her pack…

You ignorantly asked her ‘baby… have you seen the camping stove?’

Depending on her volatility at the moment and her propensity to want to make your life miserable you might get away with it.

But odds are, since you’ll be leaving tommorow you are in for it.

Especially if you add ‘you know the one I left out on the counter for you to clean last time we went camping three years ago?’

You just did it again.

You should visualize that ‘plunger box’ with the big ‘T’ shaped handle that they use to set off dynamite with on cartoons.

You know the one.

It’s in the garage.

Because your dumb guy brain just put both hands on that handle and pushed it down with everything you’ve got.

You’ve admitted to her that you have ‘a memory.’

And that’s gonna set her off a million ways to Sunday you watch.

Because you been tryin’ to convince her that with all the pot you’ve smoked in college that she’s right… you can’t remember shit.’

She’s always known you could remember SOME things… like the names of car parts or esoteric and rare, little known and used ‘species secific’ types of fishing gear… but not things that matter to her…

like anniversaries and stuff…

She’s accepted your ‘memory problems’ at times and coped with it.

It’s gotten you out of quite a few jambs in the past.

But now the gig is up dude.

If she actually lets the primitive lobe come to dominate her in this moment… and why wouldn’t she… and she ‘visualizes’ that camping stove on the counter three years ago… after recalling her perfect mental photograph of it that’s been quietly tucked away in the lobe for all this time just waiting for you to set it off like some kind of progressive slot machine in Las Vegas…

That’s guaranteed to make her blow unless you took her to the ‘Valley of Love’ within’ the last twenty four hours.

And I hope to gahd for your sake that you did.

A recent ‘religious experience’ in the Valley of Love is the only thing that’ll save you right now.

Because havin’ the lobe erupt before a long road trip is the fucking very worst time you can set it off Asshole.

You are gonna be sittin’ in a car in tight proximity to her for hours, pointing out historical landmark plaques and their interest and significance while she says absolutely nothing and fiddles with the climate controls incessantly.

And pissed off women fiddle with the climate control knobs and buttons in the car like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I know because I’ve seen a lot of pissed off women try to micromanage the climate controls.

Talk about brutal.

Why can’t you just be freakin’ considerate for once in your miserable life?

If not of your girl, then maybe just every other guy in the world?

Now your relationship junk is gonna be spillin’ all of its black death mojo vibes on innocent guys in towns hundreds or even thousands of miles away.

They didn’t ask for that.

Thanks a lot dickhead.

I’ve learned something about women that’s as close to a ‘universal truth’ as it comes.

Their ‘volatility’ grows to near epic and catastrophic proportions the closer that you get to departure for any trip for which ‘packing’ is required.

You’ve gotta be on your best game right before going on vacation.

Screwing it all up on vacation is disasterous because you won’t have work to shield you from the ramifications of being your guy self.

You’ve got to be on top of your game man.

Go the extra mile and help your woman pack to the greatest extent of your ability.

And don’t do that thing where you fuck it up intentionally just to make sure that she never asks you to do it again.

You really want this to be a nice vacation don’t you?

Then don’t fuck it all up idiot.

You have been warned.

Repeat: You HAVE been WARNED.

Rome visit, June 2008 – 57

December 3, 2013 on 1:40 am | In Dreamscapes | 58 Comments

These pictures were taken during a trip to Rome in Jun 2008, where I presented a 2-day seminar on "Web 2.0".

I noticed this couple, sitting on the railing that separates the vehicular roadway from the pedestrian part of the Piazza del Popolo. I couldn’t tell if they were arguing, engaged in a who-blinks-first? contest, or just having a thoughtful conversation…

I can’t help wondering if this couple had any idea how many people would look at their picture (a little over 14,000 as of January 2012), and how many different bizarre blog postings — well over a hundred, at this point, from all over the world — would use the image of their conversation to illustrate their message. To see all the places where the photo has been published (at least, all of the ones that I’m aware of), see below…

***********************************************

Note: this photo was published on Jul 8, 2008 in a blog posting entitled "Reader Question: Handling Pressure to Apologize." It was also published in an Aug 21, 2008 blog article entitled "Marriage, money, debt, and divorce?" And it was published in a Jan 27, 2009 blog article entitled "Complaining’s Place In Marriage." In addition, it was published in a Jan 13, 2009 blog titled "Karen Kalisek’s Top 20 Things To Help (1-5)." More recently, it was published in a March 17, 2009 "Mind Hack" blog article titled "Dominant chemicals." And it was published in a Sep 13, 2009 blog titled "How to Fight With Your Partner."

A few days later, it was published in a Sep 18, 2009 blog titled "Couple’s Counseling: Why I Don’t Take Sides." And it was published in an Oct 20, 2009 Greek blog titled "Η ψυχολογική κακοποίηση των ανδρών." It was also published in a Nov 4, 2009 blog titled "10 tips for traveling as a couple – and not breaking up." And it was published in a Nov 14, 2009 blog titled "How Thoughtful Words Save Marriages." It was also published in an undated (late-November 2009) blog titled "Democratia cuplului." It was also published, on page 5 of 8, in a Nov 14, 2009 blog titled "Best of the Week: Forbidden Gifts, Landlord Secrets & More."

One of the more unusual publications of this photo was in a Dec 7, 2009 blog titled "Separated Spouses Filing Bankruptcy Together." It was also published in a Nov 30, 2009 blog titled "The Language Barrier."

Moving into 2010, the photo was published in a Jan 7, 2010 blog titled "Everyone has a bad day." It was also published in a Jan 7, 2010 blog titled "Dealing with travel-partner conflicts." And it was published in an undated (Jan 2010) blog titled "Avoiding the Heartbreak Hostel: 10 Simple Rules For Backpacking Lovin’ for Female Travellers." It was also published in a Jan 18, 2010 Greek blog titled "Τι συμβαίνει στην αγάπη μετά το γάμοl." And it was published in a Jan 20, 2010 blog titled "CityFiles: Letting them down easy (he said/she said)."

It was also published in a Jan 22, 2010 blog titled "Infidelity Doesn’t Have to Mean Divorce," and a Jan 24, 2010 blog titled "Both partners need to be involved." It was also published in a Feb 5, 2010 Dutch blog titled "‘Wij’ gelukkiger dan ‘ik’." And it was published in an undated (Feb 2010) blog titled "Adult Separation Anxiety." And it was published in a Jan 30, 2010 Wikihow blog page with the same title as the caption that I used for this Flickr page. I’ve also discovered that it was published in a Feb 12, 2010 Canadian blog titled "We need to talk (about the history of marriage counselling)." And it was published in an undated (Mar 2010) blog titled "Communication Skill Lesson Plan." It was also published in a Mar 25, 2010 blog titled "Marital Gridlock And Growing Up." It was also published in a Mar 28, 2010 blog titled "In today’s culture, sex is public but love is private." And it was published in a Mar 30, 2010 blog titled "Professional honeymooners: dream job or nightmare?"

There’s more: the photo was published in an Apr 5, 2010 blog titled "John Mayer Was Right: You Gotta Say What You Need To Say." And it was published in an Apr 6, 2010 blog titled "Miscarraiges [sic] Strain Marriages." It was also published in an Apr 8, 2010 blog titled "Why We Stay With Unfaithful Partners." And it was published in an Apr 9, 2010 blog titled "Foursquare Becomes Great Predictor Of Divorce," as well as an Apr 10, 2010 blog titled Relationship Advice | Too Immature for Relationship It was also published in an Apr 13, 2010 Italian blog titled "Uomini col Mestruo, un gruppo su Facebook smaschera i senza palle." And it was published in a May 14, 2010 Peruvian(?) blog titled "Codependencia: Cuando la propia identidad se pierde en la pareja." It was also published in a Jun 11, 2010 blog titled "Is Divorce Contagious?" It was also published in a Jun 25, 2010 blog titled "The Magic Of Making Up – Authors Overview," and a Jun 26, 2010 blog titled "The struggle for control in a relationship." A similar blog, titled "The stages of relationships: Phase 3: The power struggle," was published on Jun 28, 2010; and on the same day, the photo was published in a Trés Sugar blog titled "Finding Out Why We Fight Might Help Us Patch Things Up." It was also published in a Jun 29, 2010 Mashable blog titled "Facebook Becoming a Prime Source for Divorce Case Evidence," and I’m pretty sure that the Spanish edition of the same blog appeared on Jun 30, 2010 with a title of "Servicio gratis de mediación para divorcios en Gipuzkoa."

Moving into the second half of 2010, the photo was published in a Jul 2, 2010 blog titled " I Want My Husband To Love Me Again – 4 Ways To Rekindle Your Romance." It was also published in a Jul 8, 2010 blog about insurance, titled "How Can I Convince You?" And it was published in an undated (Jul 2010) blog titled "Adult Separation Anxiety." It was also published in a Jul 12, 2010 blog titled "Temas tabúes en las relaciones de pareja." And it was published in a Jul 14, 2010 blog titled "Initiative to Ban Divorce in California Resurfaces." It was also published in a Jul 15, 2010 Dating 1001 blog, with the same title as the caption that I used on this Flickr page. It was also published in a Jul 25, 2010 blog titled "Businesses Capitalizing on High Unemployment." And it was published in a Jul 29, 2010 blog titled "How to Deal With Financial Infidelity," as well as a Jul 29, 2010 blog titled "Words of Wisdom: Ryan Holiday. It was also published in a Sep 6, 2010 blog titled "Living together apart – Conviviendo juntos pero separados." And it was published in a Sep 15, 2010 blog titled "Is Your Debt A Relationship Killer?" It was also published in a Sep 17, 2010 blog titled "We Got Into An Argument, Part I." And it was published in a Sep 18, 2010 blog titled "Saving It." It was also published in a Sep 25, 2010 blog titled "Help Save My Marriage – What To Do." And it was published in an undated (late Sep) "Dating Advice Expert" blog titled "Marital dispute: An overview of court proceedings." It was also published in a Sep 30, 2010 blog titled "It’s a Guy Thing." And it was published in an undated (Oct 2010) blog titled "Dealing with Infidelity is a Response by Couples in Trouble." It was also published in an Oct 15, 2010 Judy Cares blog titled "Is it a Marriage or a Relationship?", as well as an Oct 19, 2010 blog titled "Moving Forward in a Marriage: Forgiving the Minor Mistakes." And it was published in an Oct 26, 2010 blog titled "Relationships should be Easy and fun." It was also published in an Oct 29, 2010 blog titled "I suggested couples counseling and my fiance said “I don’t do counseling. What should I do?", and another Oct 29, 2010 blog titled "Cosas que no debes decir en una cita."

Moving into November, it was published in a Nov 2, 2010 blog titled "Justicia rechaza el 7% de las demandas de divorcio por no cumplir requisitos." It was also published in an undated (Nov 2010) blog titled "Relationship Break Up Advice – How to Save Your Broken Relationship." And it was published in a Nov 8, 2010 blog titled "Welcome to Improve Sex Life." It was also published in a Nov 15, 2010 blog titled "Question of the Week: How has chronic illness impacted your marriage?", and a Nov 16, 2010 blog titled "Lastest [sic] Debt Counseling News." And it was published in an undated (mid-Nov 2010) Lying Lovers blog titled "Recovering From Infidelity – Crucial Steps to Rebuilding Your Marriage." It was also published in an undated (late Nov 2010) blog titled "Long Distance Relationships: How to Know When it’s Time to Call it Quits," and it was published in an undated (late Nov 2010) blog titled "Reconciliation is Possible with the Help of a Couples Counseling NYC Therapist." It was also published in a Dec 3, 2010 blog titled "Will Your Marriage Succeed Or Fail?", as well as a Dec 3, 2010 blog titled "Sole Sisters’ Guide to Keeping Sane While Traveling in Twos." And it was published in a Dec 6, 2010 blog titled "1 de cada 5 divorcios usan a Facebook como prueba de infidelidad." It was also published in an undated (mid-Dec 2010) Hospital Medical Billing Fraud blog titled "Do Infertile People Make Better Parents?" And it was published in a Dec 13, 2010 Polish blog titled "Kobiety kłamią inaczej niż faceci. Kto częściej?." It was also published in a Dec 27, 2010 blog titled "The Easy Way to Make Money Online Everyday." And it was published in a Dec 30, 2010 blog titled "Relationship Cues: Sensing the Unspoken." Finally, it was published in a Dec 31, 2010 blog titled "Divorced and Co-Parenting: How to Get Along With Your Ex."

Moving into 2011, the photo was first published in a Jan 2, 2011 blog titled " Importance Of Medical Insurance Plans." It was also published in a Jan 3, 2011 blog titled "Car Insurance Tips for Mature Drivers in Florida, as well as a Jan 5, 2011 Forbes.com blog titled "5 Ways Your Partner Can Ruin Your Credit." It was also published in a Jan 6, 2011 "Learn to Earn Online blog, with the same title and descriptive notes as what I had originally written on this Flickr page. It was also published in a Jan 10, 2011 blog titled "Bankruptcy Rules Review." And it was published in an undated (mid-Jan 2011) "Counseling Rehab" blog titled "4 Ways to Treat Your Addiction." It was also published in a Jan 13, 2011 blog titled "Waiting for Debt Help and Free Debt Advice?" And it was published in a Jan 15, 2011 blog titled "Online Dating Tips: How To Create A Great Profile." It was also published in a Jan 16, 2011 blog titled "Farmville Cheats And Associated Dangers," and another Jan 16, 2011 blog titled "Searching For The Fastest Way to Make Money Online?" It was also published in a Jan 17, 2010 pinkblog.it blog titled "Coppia: non perdonare il partner fa bene al rapporto." And it was published in a Jan 18, 2011 blog titled "How to Keep a Conversation Going." It was also published in a Jan 20, 2011 blog titled "5 Tips for Taking a Successful Online Dating Profile Photo." And it was published in an undated (late Jan 2011) blog titled "Why Social And Traditional Media Marketers Should Stop Acting Like Fighting Lovers." It was also published in a Jan 26, 2011 blog titled "Facebook cheating, restaurant websites and living in caves with Dinner Party Download." And it was published in an undated (late Jan 2011) blog titled "Stop Arguing Your Relationships to Death." It was also published in a Jan 30, 2011 blog titled "Ask the Readers: Hiding Money from Your Spouse."

The photo was also published in an undated (early Feb 2011) blog titled "Debt Relief Consolidation – Tips To Find Free Debt Help Online," with the caption and detailed notes that I provided on this Flickr page, followed by some more serious comments about the details of debt relief consolidation. And it was published in a Feb 8, 2011 blog titled "Female partners of heavy gamblers – victims or enablers?", and a Feb 13, 2011 blog titled "5 Sizzling Online Dating Tips." It was also published in a Feb 15, 2011 blog titled "The 1st Key for Dealing with Marital Strife," and it was published in a Feb 24, 2011 blog titled "Do You Know Your Rights?" It was also published in a Mar 8, 2011 blog titled 4 Reasons Why Open Marriage Doesnt Work," and a Mar 11, 2011 blog titled "What Do Musicians Really Earn Online?" And it was published in a Mar 16,2011 Car Insurance Companies blog, with the same caption and detailed notes that I had written on this Flickr page. It was also published in an undated (mid-Mar 2011) Website titled Especialistas en Divorcios. And it was published in a Mar 21, 2011 blog titled "Make love, not war: enjoy travel as a couple." It was also published in an undated (late Mar 2011) blog titled "Things You Must Know About Free Debt Consolidation Services." And it was published in a Mar 24, 2011 Nice How to Make Money Online Photos blog, with the same caption and detailed notes that I used on this Flickr page. It was also published in a Mar 30, 2011 blog titled "Gründe für die Eifersucht." And it was published in an Apr 7, 2011 blog titled "The Italian Language Learning," as well as an Apr 8, 2011 blog titled "How to Make People Angry," and an Apr 10, 2011 blog titled "Gründe für die Eifersucht." It was also published in an Apr 20, 2011 blog titled "6 Common mistakes that can ruin your relationship." And it was published in an undated (late Apr 2011) blog titled "Cuáles son las señales de una relación abusiva o que no es sana?", as well as an undated (late Apr 2011) blog titled "What are the Signs of an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship?" It was also published in an Apr 26, 2011 blog titled "How To Make Your Dates More Pleasant And Enjoyable." And it was published in a May 16, 2011 blog titled "Parents Relationship Affects Quality of Children’s Sleep." It was also published in a May 23, 2011 blog titled
"Want Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night? Try Harmony in Your Relationship." And it was published in a May 27, 2011 blog titled " ‘My Wife Won’t Have Sex with Me’ Is a Pathetic Excuse to Cheat," as well as an undated (late May 2011) blog titled "Why is it so hard to change relationships?"

It was also published in a Jun 1, 2011 blog titled "Should You Dispute a Performance Appraisal?" And it was published in a Jun 10, 2011 blog titled "Four signs you’re heading for divorce," as well as a Jun 10, 2011 blog titled "Becoming a Better Woman From the Inside Out." It was also published in a Jun 11, 2011 blog titled "Discuss How To Earn Money Online," as well as a Jun 11, 2011 blog titled "The Online Dating Game On Twitter – How Does it Work?" And it was published in a Jun 22, 2011 blog titled "Mistakes in Choosing a Marriage Partner," and a Jun 22, 2011 blog titled "Anatomy of A Marital Argument." It was also published in a Jun 30, 2011 blog titled "Talk Money for Relationship Success." And it was published in a Jul 22, 2011 blog titled "Provocative Phrase Friday — Her marriage was over + 11 Other Writing Prompts." It was also published in an undated (late Jul 2011) blog titled "Communication Skill Lesson Plan." And it was published in a Jul 31, 2011 blog titled "Rebuilding Your Marriage After An Affair." It was also published in an Aug 5,2011 Czech blog titled "Děláte dost pro Váš vztah?", as well as an Aug 5, 2011 blog titled Bankruptcy in San Antonio ? Why Me? And it was published in an Aug 6, 2011 blog titled "Wells Fargo And Wachovia Merger Is Bad News For Divorced Couple." It was also published in an Aug 15, 2011 blog titled "ACCORD report that the Internet is the fastest growing factor for marital difficulties in Ireland – but is that the full story?" And it was published in an Aug 19, 2011 blog titled "Why Senior Citizens Need To Get Reliable Travel Insurance." It was also published in an Aug 24, 2011 blog titled "Vrouwen winnen de meeste rubies." And it was published in an Aug 30, 2011 blog titled "BILL GROSS: Global Economy Is Like A Marriage "Teetering On The Edge Of Divorce"."

Moving on, the photo was published in a Sep 5, 2011 blog with the curious title of "Gnats’ farts and gender" at vickihollett-dot-com-slash-?p=3957". It was also published in a Sep 5, 2011 blog titled "Separated Chileans opt for unconventional living arrangements," as well as a Sep 5, 2011 blog titled "Děláte dost pro Váš vztah?." It was also published in an undated (early Sep 2011) blog titled "Adult Separation Anxiety." And it was published in a Sep 14, 2011 blog titled "It’s Not Just About Spanking." It was also published (though I have no idea why) in an Oct 6, 2011 blog titled "San Antonio Storage." It was also published in a Nov 11, 2011 blog titled "La ansiedad por la separación es un trastorno cada vez mas frecuente en nuestros hijos0." And it was published in a Nov 16, 2011 blog titled "Poll: Balancing two ambitious careers." It was also published in a Nov 21, 2011 blog titled "Von Vertrauen und Misstrauen." And it was published in a Nov 23, 2011 blog titled "When Is It Time To Move On From A Relationship," and a Nov 23, 2011 Faith Village blog titled "How to Fight Fairly." It was also published in a Nov 28, 2011 blog titled "5 Questions To Ask Yourself To See If You’ll Need A Pre-Nup." And it was published in a Dec 2, 2011 blog titled "Renting a Car in Ireland?", as well as a Dec 5, 2011 blog titled "Relationship Quotes," and another Dec 5, 2011 blog titled "Phrases to Avoid in Conversation – What Not to Say During a Fight with Your Beloved." It was also published in a Dec 6, 2011 blog titled "Single Parents – Dating and Family Strife."

Moving into 2012, the photo was published in a Jan 2, 2012 blog titled "? Why? ? Auto insurance cos? vile? expensive in the UK?", as well as a Jan 2, 2012 blog titled "I’m 33 years old with a second DUI. What’s the best way to go about a job search?", and a Jan 2,2012 blog titled "Ask LH: How Do I Get Out Of An Argument With An Irrational Person?" It was also published in a Jan 4,2012 blog titled "Procurment Homes Need not " Dress" Good?" And it was published in an undated (early Jan 2012) Death Note Wallpaper blog, with the same caption and detailed notes that I had written on this Flickr page. It was also published in an undated (early Jan 2012) blog titled "Adult Separation Anxiety."

Also, the photo was published in an Apr 19, 2012 blog titled "What’s Your Deal-Breaker?" It was also published in an Apr 23, 2012 blog titled "When An Over-Spender Ruins Someone You Love." And it was published in an Apr 27, 2012 blog titled "“Solo lei vuole un figlio”… quando il desiderio di genitorialità non è condiviso," as well as an Apr 27, 2012 blog titled "ANGLO-ITALIAN Experience Their First Travel “Discussion” – FOLLOW UP." It was also published in a May 2, 2012 blog titled "Morar junto antes de casar aumenta chances de divórcio, aponta estudo," as well as a May 2, 2012 blog titled Τι είναι και τι δεν είναι σταυρός στην οικογένεια." It was also published in a May 16, 2012 blog titled "Why You Shouldn’t Have Sex with Your Roommate," as well as a May 25, 2012 blog titled "What is a MA declaration of homestead?" It was also published in a May 9, 2012 blog titled " Annulment vs. Legal Separation: 3 Differences You Should Know About." And it was published in a Jun 10, 2012 blog titled "How To Improve Your Relationships ." It was also published in a Jun 13, 2012 blog titled "15 Relationship Truths for Tough Times." And it was published in a Jun 22, 2012 blog titled "Episode 116 Should Parents Fight in Front of their Kids?," as well as a Jun 23, 2012 Gigazine blog titled "アイデアはどこからやって来るのか?という20項目" (which means, I think, "where do ideas come from?") It was also published in a Jun 22, 2012 blog titled "Reconnecting Depressed Partners Despite Fear and Shame," and a Jun 23, 2012 blog titled "Commitment-Phobic Employers Do Their Best to Mimic Your Ex-Boyfriend."

Moving into 2013, the photo was published in an early Jan 2013 blog titled "Jesteś inny niż kiedyś." It was also published in a Jan 16, 2013 blog titled "Can a collection agency garnish your wages? in california?" It was also published in a Jan 28, 2013 blog titled "US-California: E ‘can temporarily change the withholding tax on wages for a period of 2 months?" And it was published in a Feb 14, 2013 blog titled "New Gender Studies minor has major plans for the future." It was also published in a Feb 20, 2013 blog titled "Time to Succumb." And it was published in a Mar 6, 2013 blog titled "Ten Steps to Healthy Fighting in a Relationship," as well as a Mar 8, 2013 blog titled "Para não brigar com as mulheres, maioria dos homens prefere mudar de opinião, diz pesquisa."

Dream Psychology: Psychoanalysis for Beginners

December 1, 2013 on 9:33 pm | In Dream Types | 3 Comments

Sigmund Freud founded the psychoanalytic school of psychology and was particularly well known for his focus on the unconscious mind. Freud believed that the interpretation of dreams were sources of insight in unconscious desires and the unconscious mind. In “Dream Psychology” we have an exploration of Freud’s theories on the interpretation of dreams and through the reading of the following nine chapters of this book readers will gain a better understanding of the theories that made Sigmund Freud such an important figure in the world of psychology: I. Dreams Have a Meaning, II. The Dream Mechanism, III. Why the Dream Disguises the Desires, IV. Dream Analysis, V. Sex in Dreams, VI. The Wish in Dreams, VII. The Function of the Dream, VIII. The Primary and Secondary Process-Regression, and IX. The Unconscious and Consciousness-Reality.

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Fuzzy Zoeller & Thomas-Bonus

December 1, 2013 on 4:33 am | In Dream Books | No Comments

Back on Course

In 2008, nine-year-old Thomas Bonus was nearly paralyzed during a diving accident. Today, he’s a healthy, active 12-year-old who loves golf—and who recently caddied for golf legend Fuzzy Zoeller at The Principal Charity Classic.

By Linda Pixley

That day – July 1, 2008 – started out like any other summer day for the busy Bonus family of West Des Moines. As usual, Cyndi Bonus drove her kids, 13-year-old Robbie, nine-year-old Thomas and four-year-old Katie, to Des Moines Golf and Country Club for their daily swim team practice.

At the pool, Thomas mounted the starting block to practice the relay. When his relay teammate touched the edge of the pool beneath him, Thomas, dove in—just as he’d done dozens of times before. But this time, something went wrong, and Thomas hit his head on the bottom of the pool.

Cyndi looked over to see Thomas floating face down in the water. The sight was every parent’s nightmare. At that moment, Thomas says he was conscious but couldn’t move his limbs. “It felt like it was a dream,” he explains.

The coaches acted quickly, bringing Thomas to the surface and stabilizing him with a backboard until an emergency medical services (EMS) team arrived. “Thomas was breathing fine, but he couldn’t move his limbs for several minutes,” said Cyndi. “It was very frightening.”

Thomas was taken by ambulance to Blank Children’s Hospital, where physicians and nurses were ready and waiting for him to arrive. “Our team begins mobilizing immediately when we receive a call from EMS about a pediatric trauma patient,” said James Swegle, MD, trauma medical director for Iowa Methodist and Blank Children’s Hospital.

Thomas was admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Blank. He was put in a neck brace, and while he began to move his legs later that day, he had terrible pain—followed by numbness—in his arms. In fact, the pain was so severe that he laid in the hospital bed with his arms supported on pillows and “would get very mad if someone slightly jarred the bed,” said his dad, Ken Bonus.

After several tests, including computed tomography (CT) scans and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans, physicians determined that Thomas had fractured the fifth and sixth vertebrae in his neck. At that point, doctors weren’t sure how much—if any—movement Thomas would regain in his arms.

For that reason and many others, those first days were particularly tough for Thomas and his family. “Thomas couldn’t have any food, water, ice chips or anything else by mouth because of the risk of him choking or ingesting something into his lungs and complicating things,” said Ken. And Thomas continued to experience intense pain in his arms.

Fortunately, the hospital’s Child Life staff, who help kids (and their families) deal with hospitalizations, were there to help the Bonuses during those rough days. For instance, when the cards and letters from friends and family started pouring in, Thomas couldn’t see them unless they were held right in front of his face (he couldn’t move his neck or his arms). So the Child Life team hung his cards from the ceiling over his bed so he could see them.

After five days, Thomas was fitted with a halo vest—a piece of equipment that keeps the head and neck immobile. “We were all very scared and nervous when the halo was attached,” Cyndi says. The procedure to attach the halo vest went well, though, and Thomas’ intensive rehabilitation—which lasted for nearly two years—began.

Specially trained pediatric physical and occupational therapists worked with Thomas to help him regain strength and balance, particularly since the halo vest added considerable weight to his upper body. “We learned that we use our heads for balance to walk upright,” says Ken. “Thomas was unable to move his head due to the halo, so he had to learn to adjust his upper body from the waist to balance.”

Therapists continued to work with Thomas on relearning how to perform simple actions of daily life, such as eating or scratching his nose, until he was discharged on August 6, 2008. He was still wearing the halo when he returned to school at Jordan Creek Elementary in West Des Moines later that month. “I was excited, but I was also scared of what people would think,” Thomas says.

The Child Life team stepped in again, sending a specialist to meet with teachers and students at his school. “They explained to the kids that Thomas would look different. They talked about the halo vest and even brought a weight filled with sand to show everyone how heavy the vest was,” says Cyndi. That helped the kids understand what Thomas was going through. As a result, his transition back to school went smoothly.

Thomas wore his halo for nine weeks and a neck brace for an additional two months, and he continued to perform rehabilitation exercises at Blank and at home for nearly two years. And while contact sports—such as football—are off-limits to Thomas for now, he can play soccer, swim and golf.

In fact, it was his love of golf that helped him meet a world-famous PGA Champions Tour golfer last summer. It all happened through Blank Children’s Hospital and The Principal Charity Classic, the PGA Champions Tour golf tournament held each year in West Des Moines.

Blank is one of five charities that receives donations from the tournament. The hospital uses part of its tournament funding to support the same Child Life program that was such an important resource to Thomas and his family in the weeks and months following his accident.

So when tournament organizers learned of Thomas’ accident and the role Blank played in his amazing recovery, they decided to do something special for Thomas—arrange a one-on-one golf lesson with one of his idols, golf legend Fuzzy Zoeller.

Zoeller worked with Thomas for nearly an hour during a break from The Principal Charity Classic’s Pro-Am last summer, chatting and joking as the pair worked on Thomas’ game. He even teased that Thomas should caddy for him during the 2011 Pro-Am.

Thomas figured Zoeller was just kidding, but all the same, he didn’t forget about the possibility of caddying for Zoeller as the 2011 Principal Charity Classic approached. As it turns out, neither did Fuzzy. And shortly before this year’s tournament, Thomas got his wish.

On June 1, Thomas caddied for Zoeller (along with the help of Zoeller’s professional caddy) for the full 18 holes of play during the Wednesday Pro-Am. He was a little nervous beforehand, according to Cyndi. “He wanted to make sure he did everything right,” she said.

Of course, the outgoing Zoeller immediately put Thomas at ease. “Hey there, Thomas!” Zoeller boomed as he gave Thomas a hug. Zoeller spent a few minutes posing for pictures with Thomas—and then he got down to business. “Thomas, let’s work on your putting,” Zoeller said.

By the time Zoeller teed off for the day’s Pro-Am round, Thomas was all smiles. He helped with caddying duties for the full 18 holes, handing Fuzzy clubs and listening to the boisterous Zoeller banter with the other players.

For Thomas, it was the experience of a lifetime. And for his parents, it was the culmination of a long journey. “It was great to see Thomas out there enjoying this incredible opportunity,” said Cyndi. “He’s been through so much. We’re just so thrilled that he’s healthy and that his life is back on course.”

Sidebar
More than a golf tournament
Thomas Bonus isn’t the only child to benefit from The Principal Charity Classic’s donations. In fact, over the last four years, the tournament has raised $2.3 million for local children’s charities, benefitting thousands of central Iowa kids.

The bulk of the tournament’s donations go to these five charities:
•Blank Children’s Hospital
•Bravo Greater Des Moines
•Community Foundation of Greater Des Moines
•United Way of Central Iowa
•Variety—The Children’s Charity of Iowa

In addition, the tournament brings $20.8 million in direct economic impact, according to a recent Iowa State University study to the Greater Des Moines area.

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